Human beings are considered to be the most spiritually endowed among the myriad things. What, then, is the most crucial element that allows human beings to coexist between heaven and earth? Or, more specifically, what do we rely on to achieve stability and harmony within our communities, and thus to facilitate a more fulfilling communal life? Throughout history, this fundamental question has inspired deep contemplation within society. Confucius, too, offered his own insight. Through his keen observations of the human community, he believed that the essence of human existence is captured by two central principles: “ai” 爱 (love) and “jing” 敬 (reverence).
Duke Ai of Lu once asked Confucius, “According to the way of human beings, what is the greatest thing (to be attended to in dealing with them)?” (Kongzi Jiayu 4.1) This question took Confucius by surprise. Perhaps this was because he had long pondered “the way of humanity” (rendao 人道) or because he was simply eager to discuss the matter with a wise ruler. Either way, it is clear that Confucius felt a surge of excitement at that moment. Duke Ai, the ruler of Lu, posed such a profound question that Confucius, initially startled, soon composed himself, “changed his countenance to a more serious one” and said, “It is indeed a blessing for the people of Lu that your majesty should propose this question, and I would be pleased to give my opinion on it.” (Kongzi Jiayu 4.1)
Duke Ai of Lu asking Confucius about proper governance
On this occasion, Duke Ai asked an insightful question, to which Confucius provided an equally thought-provoking answer. For Confucius, the way of humanity is primarily concerned with “proper governance” (zheng 政). To “govern properly” is to “do what is proper” (zheng 正). If the ruler leads by doing what is proper, all his people will follow his example and conduct themselves appropriately, and then harmony and peace will prevail in the world. In this sense, the ruler serves as a role model for his people, and his conduct is therefore of great relevance. If a ruler fails to act properly, what can his people learn from him? How, then, can a ruler himself be proper in his own person? The duke went on to ask how this practice of government was to be effected, and Confucius replied by outlining three rules: “husband and wife have their separate functions,” “between men and women there should be affection,” and “between ruler and minister there should be faithfulness.” He suggested that, should these three relations be properly discharged, all other things will follow (Kongzi Jiayu 4.2).
Why do these three rules for human relationships play such a prominent and crucial role in effecting sociopolitical order? A careful reading of the Jiayu reveals some fascinating facts about its statement that “between man and woman there should be affection” (nan nü qin 男女亲), which was changed in the Record of Rituals to “between father and son there should be affection” (fu zi qin 父子亲). Which version is more historically authentic? Or, in other words, which one is more appropriate in this context? In the Jiayu, Confucius discussed this matter through the example of a grand wedding ceremony. “Nan nü ” (man and woman) indicates the natural attributes inherent in human beings, whereas “fu fu” 夫妇(husband and wife) denotes their social roles. Therefore, it can be said that “the distinction between husband and wife” has its focus on “reverence,” while “the affection between man and woman” is concerned with “love.” Moreover, should ruler and minister be faithful to their respective roles, the people are likely to be inspired to conduct themselves properly, and thus values such as “love” and “reverence” will permeate the entire community.
Confucius then elaborated on how these three things he had mentioned could be properly secured. For ancient people in their practice of government, the cultivation of consummate virtue and a loving heart always took precedence; in nurturing these sensibilities, the observance of the rules of ritual propriety was considered paramount; in adhering to these rules, the cultivation of a reverential attitude was of the utmost importance. Indeed, we find the profound illustration of such an extreme manifestation of reverence in the marriage ceremonies of rulers such as the Son of Heaven and princes. In this grand ceremony, the groom, dressed in his wedding attire, went in person to meet his bride. The fact that he did this himself was a demonstration of his reverence to her. To show reverence is to express affection; conversely, to discard reverence, then, is to cast affection aside. Mutual respect must have its roots in love and reverence. In this sense, both “love” and “reverence” have broad connotations (Kongzi Jiayu 4.2).
Marriage serves as the root of all human relationships, wherein a ruler exemplifies a role model for his people. “Love” and “reverence,” as ascribed to the marriage of a ruler, lie at the very foundation of proper governing. In the opening chapter “On Shepherding the People” (“Mu Min” 牧民) from the Guanzi 管子, it is stated, “The gate through which they are led consists of those things the sovereign puts first. The road along which the people are guided consists of the likes and dislikes of the sovereign.” The preferences of a ruler play a decisive role in guiding his people towards the right path. Since the relationship between husband and wife may well be regarded as the most significant aspect of the way of humanity, it is important for the ruler to approach this matter with great mindfulness. As noted in the Book of Changes (or Yijing 易经): “From the existence of male and female there came afterwards husband and wife. From husband and wife there came father and son. From father and son there came ruler and minister. From ruler and minister there came high and low. From (the distinction of) high and low came the arrangements of propriety and righteousness.” (Section 2, “The Orderly Sequence of the Hexagrams,” Commentaries on the Changes) Given that the relationship between husband and wife embodies a complex interplay of ethical and political dimensions, it is not at all surprising that Confucius remarked, “Anciently, the enlightened kings of the Three Dynasties always respected their wives and sons.” (Kongzi Jiayu 4.4)
A wedding scene from the Qing dynasty court painting The Qingming Scroll (1736)
Throughout Chinese history, the marital bond has consistently been recognized as the most fundamental of all human relations. In the context of marriage, it begins with the affection between man and woman, and is followed by the family feeling that develops between father and son. The deep connotations of “love” and “reverence” associated with marriage form the very foundation upon which all of our human roles and relations are built. With love and reverence, an ideal social order is realized through the dynamic interplay of roles: the consummate conduct of the ruler through the loyalty of the minister; the kindness of the father through the family reverence of the son; the appropriateness of the husband through the submission of the wife; the gentleness of the elder brother through the deferential compliance of the younger. As stated in the Book of Han (Hanshu 汉书): “When the relationship between husband and wife is properly discharged, there is affection between father and son, and all of our roles and relations are thus established.” The Book of Jin (Jinshu 晋书), in its “Biographies of Exemplary Women” chapter, also notes: “The relationship between husband and wife is the most fundamental of all human relations, since it encompasses the entirety of human existence, including birth, aging, sickness, and death.” In yet another Han dynasty classic, Lessons for Women (Nü jie 女诫), a passage that resonates with this idea goes: “The relationship between husband and wife matches the cosmological principle of yin and yang and extends to the numinous realm. It embodies the great appropriateness of heaven and earth and lies at the foundation of all human relations.” Thus, it is recorded in the Book of the Later Han (Hou Hanshu 后汉书) that “the Record of Rituals emphasizes the importance of the norms governing interaction between men and women, and the opening poem of the Book of Songs, ‘Guan Ju,’ highlights the significance of marriage.” As it turns out, ancient education was, at its core, about love and reverence.
A painting depicting the jujiu bird (osprey) as mentioned in the opening line of the first ode, “Guan Ju,” in the Book of Songs, Illustrations of the Plants and Animals in the Book of Songs
Confucius’ insight is well captured in his statement: “As for love and reverence, it is, I suspect, the root of proper governance.” (Kongzi Jiayu 4.2) For him, an effective ruler who seeks to inspire his people to do what is proper and “go vigorously without swerving” (Analects 2.2) should focus on fostering a sense of “love” and “reverence” within society, as the two work collaboratively to establish sociopolitical order. It would be an oversimplification of Confucius’ philosophy—and, indeed, would diminish the significance of his ideas—if we were to interpret his words as merely suggesting that rulers should love and respect their people.
The Confucian tradition in China places great emphasis on “family reverence and fraternal deference” (xiaoti 孝悌). As Confucius wisely noted, “Establishing love begins with love for one’s parents... Establishing reverence begins with reverence for one’s elders.” (“The Meaning of Sacrifices,” Record of Rituals) Liu Shao 刘劭 (424-453), a thinker from the State of Wei during the Three Kingdoms period, asserted that at its core, the Classic of Family Reverence (Xiaojing 孝经) “regards love as the model of consummate virtue (zhide 至德) and reverence as the imperative way (yaodao 要道).” In the Record of Human Character (Renwu zhi 人物志), he stated that “there is nothing superior to love and reverence as far as the way of humanity is concerned,” demonstrating a deep understanding of the essence of Confucianism.
