When Zixia asked about family reverence, Confucius replied almost instinctively, “It all lies in showing the proper countenance.” He then went on to say, “As for the young contributing their energies when there is work to be done, and deferring to their elders when there is wine and food to be had—how can merely doing this be considered being reverent?” (Analects 2.8) Family reverence goes beyond the mere obligation of young people to undertake the hard work when something has to be done, or to serve their elders first with food and drink. It carries a far deeper meaning than these actions alone imply.
Analects 2.8
For thousands of years, people have contemplated ways to show reverence to their parents. Performing acts of service for one’s parents and inviting them to enjoy fine food first are some aspects of family reverence, however, these actions alone are insufficient. The most important aspect of filial respect, and the most difficult to cultivate, is a reverential attitude. This is why Confucius asserted that the substance of family reverence “lies in the proper countenance” one brings to one’s filial responsibilities. It is the face or countenance that is difficult, as it serves as an expression of emotion. This aligns with Confucius’ emphasis on “respect” when Ziyou him asked about family reverence, with the Master replying, “Those today who are filial are considered so because they are able to provide for their parents. But even dogs and horses are given that much care. If one does not respect one’s parents, what is the difference?” (Analects 2.7) Many people think of family reverence primarily as a kind of physical support. Yet humans are also capable of providing such care to their pets and livestock. If there is no genuine respect from the heart, how can one distinguish these two forms of care? Therefore, “deferring to their elders when there is wine and food to be had” is nothing more than mere “support” (yang养), whereas showing the proper countenance indicates a deeper sense of “respect” ( jing 敬 ).
Confucius’ interpretation of family reverence through “showing the proper countenance” effectively captures its essence. “Face or countenance” (se 色) refers to “what is perceived,” and it appears that, in relation to children’s attitudes toward their parents, a warm and pleasant demeanor is what parents most desire. Even if one provides substantial financial support to one’s parents on a monthly basis, such contributions do not equate to family reverence if there is a lack of consideration or care; in fact, not showing respect or serving one’s parents according to the observances of ritual propriety indicates a failure to fulfill one’s filial responsibility. Moreover, some elders may not need financial support, but still often long for a warm family atmosphere filled with care and respect from their children.
According to historical records, the Qianlong Emperor of the Qing dynasty was reading a book when he suddenly looked up and turned to his minister, Ji Xiaolan 纪晓岚 (1724-1805), and complained, “If one takes ‘se nan’ ( 色难, meaning “showing the proper countenance is difficult”) as the first line, it is not easy to find an appropriate second line. ” Ji Xiaolan replied without hesitation that the next line would be “rong yi” ( 容易, which in this context translates to “adorning one’s appearance is easy,” but is homophonous with “rongyi” 容易, meaning “easy,” describing that “something can be accomplished without difficulty or effort”). The emperor thought about Ji’s answer and thought it was an excellent choice of line. Notably, a similar exchange concerning this particular couplet took place earlier during the Ming dynasty between the Yongle Emperor and his minister Xie Jin 解缙 (1369-1415), in which the emperor expressed his frustration: “Having ‘se nan’ as the first line makes it rather difficult to find a corresponding second line.” Xie Jin responded quickly: “Rong yi.” After waiting a short while, the emperor— still perplexed—asked: “Didn’t you say ‘rongyi’ (‘it was easy’)? Why then have you still not given a line?” To which Xie Jin clarified, “I did indeed provide a line, your majesty; ‘Rong yi’ (‘adorning one’s appearance is easy’) is the corresponding line.”
Showing respect for one’s parents, Illustrations to the Classic of Family Reverence
It was truly a stroke of genius to pair “rong yi” with “se nan”. In Analects 10.5, we read, “On the occasion of presenting his credentials, his demeanor was dignified.” (Xiang li, you rongse, 享礼,有容色). In the Chinese language, the characters rong 容 and se 色 are often used together as a collocation; however, theys carry different connotations. Rong is often associated with ideas such as “dressing up” or “decorating.” For instance, in Analects 10.24, it is noted, “When at home alone, he did not concern himself with his demeanor” (Ju bu rong, 居不容); while in the Strategies of the Warring States, we find that “a woman will adorn herself for the one who loves her” (Nü wei yuejizhe rong, 女为悦己者容). In both of these examples, rong encompasses notions of “grooming,” “beautifying,” and “applying makeup.” Se, on the other hand, generally pertains to facial expressions. For example, “se zuo” 色作 means to change one’s countenance or show signs of anger; “se bo” 色勃 signifies a sudden change in complexion due to anger; and “se dong” 色动 indicates a turn of one’s countenance. There is also an idiom—“shi nu shi se” 室怒市色—which describes a situation in which one is angry with a family member, but vents that anger on people outside the home. This illustrates that se, within this context, represents internal emotions that manifest externally.
Taking proper care of one’s parents and showing them the appropriate countenance,
Illustrations to the Classic of Family Reverence
Perhaps one reason people can enhance their appearance cosmetically is that it is relatively easy to do so. A little light grooming can also make a difference, and even subtle makeup can go a long way in boosting one’s self-esteem. However, it is important to recognize that only through truth can we find goodness and beauty. Goodness and beauty that come from truth are the most precious forms of these qualities. In this respect, we can gain a much clearer understanding of the difference between what is perceived as easy and what is perceived as difficult, especially in terms of appearance and countenance. Specifically, maintaining the proper countenance requires a solid foundation of inner qualities; genuine respect, esteem, and understanding do not arise from one’s appearance alone; rather, they are fundamentally influenced by a profound contemplation of the meaning of life.
To fill the world with love, it is essential for social administrators and leaders to effectively cultivate and promote these sentiments of love and respect within society. This Analects passage on “proper countenance” discusses the reverence of children toward their parents and the spirit and essence inherent in this virtue. Family reverence is seen as the most basic human emotion, with other emotions serving as extensions of this basic love. Confucius placed great emphasis on the cultivation of love in this context, asserting that “Establishing love begins with the love of one’s parents.” (“The Meaning of Sacrifices,” Record of Rituals) Without this foundation of love for one’s family members, social morality, professional ethics, and similar values can find it hard to take root. In Book 2 (on effective governance) of the Analects, when discussing family reverence, the intention is to make this spirit of love pervasive throughout the society, as it is at the core of the Confucian philosophy and its principles regarding consummate governance or governing with virtuosity. It is precisely for this reason that Confucius quoted from the Book of Documents, saying, “‘It all lies in family reverence. Being filial to one’s parents and finding fraternity with one’s brothers is in fact carrying out the work of governance.’ In doing these things one is participating in governance. Why must one be ‘employed in government’?” (Analects 2.21) Family reverence and respect are not mere words; they must emanate from one’s genuine feelings and be manifested through one’s actions. It is obvious, then, that one might find it quite fascinating to consider the placement of this passage in its particular position within the broader context of the Analects.
A group of sculptures in the Confucius Institute Headquarters Experience Museum,
demonstrating the cherished tradition of family reverence in a Chinese family
Chinese philosopher Hu Shi 胡适 (1891-1962) once said, “There is nothing in the world as loathsome as an angry face, and there is nothing more despicable than showing an angry face to others; it is even worse than fighting or insulting them.” Such displays of anger should be particularly avoided towards one’s parents. Treating others with a pleasant demeanor is not only a reflection of virtue, but also a sign of proper upbringing. There is a proverb that says, “An appropriate countenance toward one’s parents embodies family reverence, a pleasant disposition toward one’s spouse signifies love, and a courteous attitude toward strangers exemplifies the observance of propriety.” In fact, a sweet, joyful, and harmonious journey through life comes from consistently displaying a pleasant countenance from the very beginning.
Author: Yang Chaoming, Distinguished Professor of the Advanced Institute for Confucian Studies at Shandong University.
Translator: Kong Chaofan, Translator of the Confucius Research Institute and English Editor of Thinking Through Confucius.
This article is excerpted and translated from What Would Confucius Say?孔子的叮咛, and may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including on social media, without permission.（本文选译自《孔子的叮咛》，未经许可，不得在任何平台以任何形式进行转载和传播）
